“If Only:Two Of The Saddest Words In The World”
According to the dictionary, the word regret means “To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about. To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn”. Recently, I made a spate of bad decisions. Bordering dangerously close to regret. And “If Onlys”. A few blogs ago, I also made a promise to myself to live without them. Working on it. After much thought and deliberation, I came to a conclusion. I would not have known the outcome, had I acted differently. If you are frantically scanning the post for those decisions, I have to disappoint. They will not be divulged here. Or anywhere else. For that matter. Things come back to haunt us. One less “If Only”.
The situations are done and dusted (a British slang for it’s over and done with). There is no turning back. No return to sender. No RIP’s (return if possible) Nada. Likewise, the Brits would say : just get on with it. And so it will be. I don’t follow horoscopes religiously. I am going somewhere with this. Promise. I mentioned this because, ironically, a few days before the biggest ill-fated decision, my horoscope specifically stated: “Think carefully, before making a big decision this week. You might have to live with the consequences for a very long time” WTH? The “stars” were right. Dead right. Say what?
I made these decisions because “You cannot always wait for the perfect moment. Sometimes, you just have to jump”. And jump is what yours truly did. Had to. Underneath it all, the doubt lingered. Yet, I steamrolled straight ahead.Why? Because my life has been littered with “safe decisions”. Some worked. The rest? Runaway train wrecks. Admittedly, sometimes, it’s not a good idea to tempt fate. Not to ignore the small voice which clearly whispers “Don’t do it. Please don’t”. You might not be able to handle the consequences. Some of which lasts a lifetime.
Well life goes on, doesn’t it? “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar”. Life has two certainties: Death. And Taxes. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I have made my bed. I must lie in it. Maybe I am in this place because I couldn’t learn these lessons any other way. For instance, to know that sometimes it is better to wait on the Lord. And trust his promises. Pray harder. Realise a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots.The whole kit and caboodle.
I’m not alone in wondering why we need to learn the same lessons over and over again. Is it because we have emotional baggage to empty?Weaknesses to overcome? Maybe, it’s because good things fall apart so better things can come together? Or perhaps, it’s because we must finally learn to stop kicking against the pricks. Add to the list.
I’ll tell you what I wont regret. Decades from now. Not taking a chance the outcome might be different. Being afraid to try because the odds were stacked against me. Not giving people the opportunity to prove themselves. At the end of the day, I did it my way. I was happy. For a bit. Then reality knocked. And I woke up smack in the middle of it.
One last note; decades from now, I dont want to look back on these decisions and say “If Only”. Simply because “No matter how much you revisit the past, there is nothing new to see!” However. If that happens. It won’t matter then.Will it? I will remember at one point in my life, it was exactly what I wanted. I thought it would make me happy. And I went for it!
Until the next post…