A few weeks ago. I found myself in the middle of a verbal tennis match with a chap. Who reminded me of someone I dated. And loved very much. Tangent alert. I will forever remain perplexed. And confused. About the phenomenon. We call love. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder; where was my head? How could I be so blind? In my defence. And in all honesty, the brain works until you fall in love. Then it abruptly stops. Making sense of things. Thinking intelligently. This is my story and I am sticking to it :). For now.
Anywhooo. Back to the matter at hand. I once dated and loved a guy who thought I was too independent! Seriously? You might ask. But I am not kidding. Wish I was. On more than one occasion, some of his exact words were: “You’re mentally strong, too independent. You don’t need anyone to take care of you. I want to feel needed. I am used to, and prefer women, who wants a man to take care of them…. “. I don’t remember the rest with exactness. But you catch the drift. However, words to a similar effect were used over. And over. Initially, I brushed them aside . However, as time went by, it became real issue for him. I knew. Sensed. The beginning of the end. Was upon us.
I tried. And failed many times. To explain the struggles I had to overcome. The experiences which shaped the person he saw before him. For instance, I had to grow up before I was ready. By the age of ten, I knew how to take care of a house. Change diapers. Take care of a toddler. Iron. Cook. Etc. With no dad in sight. Mom worked very hard. She had to. Times were excruciatingly difficult. As an adult, I found myself alone. With no support system. Learning how cope with the end of a relationship. I had moved countries for. And for the past decade, I have been taking care of myself. I am a survivor. Because I had to. He heard all these things. Sadly though. He wasn’t listening.
My fierce need for independence sparked arguments between us. He often felt unwanted. Threatened by the fact, I didn’t “need him”. And I couldn’t give up my hard-fought independence. In the end. Although, we complimented each other in many ways, it was always going to be an issue. Not the only issue. But it was a big one. I felt he was trying to take away something I had fought so hard to get. And keep. Looking back, I did need him, but not in the ways, he felt he should be needed. And I gave up trying to get through to him. Stopped trying to convince him. That what I needed was loyalty. Commitment. To be adored. Loved. Cherished. Protected. The stuff dreams are made of.
So. My questions to you my readers are: can a woman ever be so independent, it turns away potential suitors? How should you handle it if your partner is threatened by your mental toughness? Independent spirit, and nature? Does this mean the relationship won’t endure? How should you adapt? Should you even want to? Have you ever dated someone who was threatened by who you are? How did you handle it? What was the outcome? So many questions. I don’t expect an answer to all of them. Even if there are no answers, it’s okay too.
In my opinion, a woman should be able to take care of herself without needing help from a man. The man/partner should compliment her independence, not stifle it. He should be confident in his own skin. In his own life. To welcome a woman with her own mind. But this is just my opinion. I know there are women out there who will view things differently. And others who will agree with me. Thing is unless you’re living it. Or have lived it. Until then it will be just another post.
To all the independent women within reach of this post. The ones who day in and day out. Handle their own. Who can, has, and continue to survive without depending on anyone. I salute you. Whether I know you or not.
Until the next post,