Photo: Google Images

I kid you not, I blinked, and 2018 is now a distant memory! Where does time disappear to? Yea, I know, rhetorical question, but really? It seems as if all we do, is work, eat, and sleep, with some measure of fun, thrown in between here and there. The fact is, you and I will never see today again. Humbling.

Is this what life is all about? What are we supposed to do, with our allotted time? Work for decades, and spend the rest of it “enjoying retirement?” I personally don’t think so. Disclaimer : it’s absolutely fine, if my views are not shared by the majority. There is nothing wrong with working for decades, getting married, having children, setting them free, retire, and then live…if that is what you want. I just know, there was a time, I would do and give anything to have this type of existence. Until life handed me a new set of dreams.

Over the past few years, I’ve been striving to live a life of no fear. While I’m not totally fearless, I’m closer than I’ve ever been. I have taken risks and done some remarkable things. No, I am not gloating, nor am I patting myself on the back. Every time I write a post of this nature, I’m reminded just how far I have traveled, and what it took, to get me here.

A lot can happen in a year! For me, 2018 has been a year of experiences, I soon won’t forget

Let’s get back to the business at hand. You see, our brains are like a filing cabinet; always shuffling old experiences to make sense, of the constant barrage of incoming ones. When we encounter an unknown, fear often prevails, because we simply don’t have any experience to either reconcile or associate it with. Often, we have two choices; we can run away, as the outcome is not known, or the braver warriors stand up, venture into uncharted territories, and often win!

So, my question is, as somehow you happened upon this post, what are you afraid of? What would you be able to achieve, if your life was filled with less fear? Which mountains would you climb? Would your dreams be turned into reality? Goals, once barely within reach, now fully realized, if you stood your ground, when challenged?

How do we get closer to living the life we want, do things we only dream of, and become more fulfilled? Unless your goal is to be in the same place next year, as you are now, then consider these suggestions: laugh, embrace, and challenge the unknown.

Laughter has been shown to banish anxiety and stress and replace fear. It is a testament of our courage, which is stronger than fear. The phrase “laughter is the best medicine” have never been more applicable. True, it’s foolhardy to think laughter will erase the issue or fear permanently. However, we all need a strong helping of humor in our lives every day, and at least for a moment, it changes the makeup of our brains, which tells us to run in the opposite direction, when we are faced with the unknown. Humor strengthens our ability to confront our fears.

Embrace the Unknowns: usually, going off the beaten path, and embracing things we are not comfortable with, often leads to some of the most life affirming experiences we can ever! May I be so bold as to suggest that sticking to the same routines, day after day, because we are afraid to venture out of our comfort zones, is very stifling. Quite a few of us are in the same place, as this time last year. Not me. I’m more scared of not growing, learning, and purely existing.

Face the challenge; I love this quote “If you ever find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to question how you got there!” Makes sense? If you are not progressing, you are not being challenged. I’ll never tell anyone to carelessly throw caution to wind. No! Know your limits. If you find it comfortable watching life go by from the shadows, this post isn’t for you. But if it struck a chord within your thirsty soul, what will it take to quench the thirst, and set it on fire?

I’ve been blessed with some rather amazing and incredible highs in 2018. Of course, there have been lows. As I’ve told my friends and those I work with; do not waste another moment mourning the failures of this past year. Nothing can change it now. If you want a different existence in 2019 and beyond, but find yourself afraid to go after it, take this with you into the new year: ”Everything we want, is on the other side of fear”

Step out in faith. You got this. The universe wants to give you your heart’s desires!

Wishing you and yours, every happiness and blessing you desire, and deserve in the year ahead.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Photo: Google Images

Working in Social Services with the homeless and formerly homeless population, is very taxing. In all actuality, no one really wants to live on the streets. A very small percentage do, and most of these individuals battle serious mental health disorders. Would you be surprised, if I told you, most of us are only two paychecks away from homelessness? You shouldn’t be! Do you have an emergency fund saved up? If you lost your job now, or became ill that you couldn’t work for a while, how would you survive? Would unemployment be enough to sustain you and your family until you can work again? Typically, wherever feasible, each one of us should have at least three months of expenses put away in the event of an emergency

Social Services and Mental Health often go hand in hand. The five most common mental health disorders relate to mood, eating, personality, substance abuse, and ADHD. Most of my clients have dual/co morbid disorders, and at any time, at least one is active. The facts are at least one in every three people suffer from a mental health disorder of some sort. If you are lucky enough, there is a good chance the only thing you have to worry about, is stress and anxiety.

With many people dealing with so much at any given time, I wanted to give some basic tried and true suggestions that can be used every day to help anyone struggling with interpersonal conflict and other issues at work. For decades I worked in offices, doing the 9 to 5. No workplace is without its drawbacks. Coping strategies are a must. Today, and for the past several months, I’m lucky enough that I don’t have an office! I love that I make my schedule, start and finish when I want to. Once per week, for two or three hours I go to the office and see my other colleagues. I consider myself a free spirit and this matches my personality quite nicely!

I warmly welcome your opinion and comments below, if you found them helpful!

First and foremost, we cannot function at optimal levels if we are not mentally and physically ready for eventuality. Sure, you will do just fine for a while, even years, but sooner or later, it will catch up with you. No trial or difficulty ever happens at a convenient time. No one needs a reminder that diet and exercise is an integral part of everything we do, and how we show up for it. Pick up any self-help book, magazine, article etc. and they will preach the same things, and this strategy is mentioned every single time

Second, try as often as you can to start the day off right. Do you find yourself frazzled and already stressed out before your day has even begun? Is there something you could do differently the night before to help ease your nerves? Make lunch, put things in the right places, etc. Proper planning, will help considerably. Consider at least five or ten minute of meditation before the day even gets going. You WILL notice a difference. A positive attitude will not get easily derailed if your bus is late, there is traffic ahead etc

Third, a lot of stress in the workplace is caused by poor communication; which in turn affects how you understand your work duties, causes miscommunications, lead to hurt feelings, errors of judgement etc. So, what can you do to improve the way you communicate with others? Ask yourself, are you and your coworkers on the same page? When they step out of line, how do you handle this? Sitting and stewing helps no one.  Speak up in meetings, do not think because you perceived a situation to be obvious that everyone else does too.  More than half of what we say and don’t say is communicated via body language. What is yours saying to the rest of the staff? Are you open and friendly, or isolated from everyone else, whether it’s intentional? Of course, be sure to put and keep boundaries in place

Finally, stay away from interpersonal conflict (if you can). Let’s face it, conflict at work is inescapable. Avoiding gossip, over sharing personal information, arguments about politics and religion, and off-color jokes. If you must work with someone who is often involved in these behaviors, try to limit your interaction with them. If conflict does find its way to your desk, and believe me it will, consider the following strategies; practice good listening skills, be assertive, not overbearing in your communication, do your best to seek a solution, and work hard to seek a solution. These strategies are not exhaustive.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Photo Credit: Rasjacobson

Dear Readers,

I hope this blog post finds you and your family well. As I was planning my work schedule for the upcoming week, I was reminded that in a few short weeks, half of the year would have flown by! What goals did you set for 2018? How are they coming along? Wherever you are in the process, keep pushing, always being mindful, that not everyone will understand your journey. There is nothing wrong with this, it’s not for them to figure out.

I’m still on an unbelievable high from my recent trip to Africa. I think about the kids daily. I will keep my followers updated of my plans to help them, as it materializes later this year. The entire experience taught me more about myself than I thought possible. As I look back on the life path that took me to the Motherland, and inevitably where I now find myself, I cannot help but think of the road I’ve traveled thus far. I reminisced how, a few short years ago, I rallied publicly, and raged silently, as I was forced to accept circumstances that were not my own doing. Never underestimate the significance of blooming where you are planted!

Today, I am shell of that once vulnerable, naïve girl, who knew the treatment she willingly accepted, wasn’t copacetic , but lacked the strength and fortitude to stand up for herself, and say no more. I often cringe and recoil inside, when I remember the depth and breadth, of the suffering I went through. I didn’t love myself. How could I? I had to go through a process, an awakening, a cleansing of some sort, to come out on the other side.

How did I go from one extreme to another? I remembered who  I was, and the game changed. I learned to love me. I came to realize that a relationship, job, or circumstance, would not create the inner peace, and contentment I craved. I discovered this game-changing morsel of truth:  the only person, who is unequivocally responsible for my happiness, was me. I relied heavily on the fact, that I am enough, and always will be. I now know that a loving, respectful, kind, and compassionate relationship with myself, was the beginning of the greatest romance, I will ever have; the one I had with myself.

Last year, I blogged here about my collaboration with multiple authors. Well, that was released a few months ago, and it hit bestseller in multiple categories!! One of the goals I set for myself in 2018, was to write at least three books.  Currently, an EBook, is in the pipeline; it summarizes the steps I took to bring about the change I desperately sought from within. Today, I will share with you, a few of the practices that worked for me.

First, one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned over the past few years, was to become intimately familiar with my inner voice. The one that provides a running commentary and affects more than we will ever know. The way we talk to ourselves, can either be positive and supportive, or harmful and defeating.  I cannot stress enough, how important it is, that you and I are mindful of the ways in which we talk to ourselves. We all engage in self talk, this is normal; it helps us to figure out the world around us. My point is, have you stopped to consider how you do it? What are some of the things you tell yourself every day? Do you understand the relationship between this type of self talk, how it reflects on your daily actions, and your interactions with everyone around you? Everything starts here!

I also started introducing daily affirmations. I found it best to do this in the morning, right out of bed, or at least before the day gets started. I challenge you to look in the mirror and use phrases such as “I love you”. “I wholeheartedly accept myself the way I am” “I believe in, have trust, and confidence in myself” “I’m talented, and can use these talents for the good of those around me” “I commit to learning new things” etc. Whatever applies to your unique situation. Try to make this a daily habit. Soon, you will start to notice that not only do you believe these things, but you also get rid of negative, self-defeating thoughts, that you’ve been carrying around, and focus more on your goals.

Next, create habits of self-love and care; take yourself on a weekly date, get a massage, acupuncture, tune into how you feel on a daily basis, eat well, dress in ways that make you feel good, exercise, keep a journal, take up a hobby or revisit past passions, perform random acts of kindness, take photos of things you love, take a break from social media.  Taking time for yourself without feeling guilt, or having to explain, why you are not available. Self care is not an indulgence, it’s a necessity.

Confucius said “The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself” My dear readers, followers, and visitors, only you and I are intimately familiar with our unique challenges.  Are you holding onto burdens you should have left behind a long time ago? Well, when you don’t forgive yourself, you are doing just that. Being kind and forgiving to yourself simply means releasing anything, including energy that no longer serves any purpose in your life. Make peace with which you are, and the challenges you face daily.

Finally, begin each day with an attitude of gratitude. A few years ago, I decided to carry out a small experiment. I got an empty jar, each day for an entire year; I would find something to be grateful for, and write it down on a piece of colored paper. Often it was the smallest of incidences (the door being opened for me, a smile from a stranger etc). There is something to be said for waking up on New Year’s Day, emptying the jar and being reminded of just how wonderful the year had been to me! Maybe, for you, everyday is a bit too much to start with, or you don’t need/want to make a list. The idea is to get in the habit of expressing gratitude for the good things in your life.

Friends, it’s imperative for you to know, that the most important relationship you and I will ever have, is the one we have with ourselves. The success of any other relationship, is heavily predicated on this. No one will ever love you more than you love yourself. Consider this game changer; when we don’t love and accept ourselves fully, we create more work for our partners, families and friends, accept poor treatment from others, compare and compete, and cannot get through a day without needing validation.

Isn’t it time you begin to develop and nourish your greatest romance of all time? Infuse your life with action, passion, your own love. If you do not love yourself,  you will have a hard time loving others. Embrace your flaws. Don’t just be content with accepting yourself, but be absolutely crazy about it!

Make today, the day you begin your own unique journey of self exploration, acceptance, kindness and compassion, with you! “We all deserve the same type of love, we keep giving everyone else”

Until the next post, take care of yourselves, and your families.

Best,

Juan

I stand amazed at the love, kindness, and generosity the universe bestowed on me this year. The victories were tremendous. Except for a few notable setbacks, I was watched over, cared for, and loved, unlike any other year in recent times. Given all that happened to me in 2015, I spent 2016 recovering and rebuilding my life. I am humbled at the way things came full circle this year, a very fitting culmination of the past two.

I’m so grateful for the life. I will affirm, things are only getting started. When I look back on the memories, it’s hard not to write down a few of the favorite ones; women’s March in Manhattan, successful aneurysm repair surgery and six month follow up report, two 5k events for charity, first helicopter ride, started a business, invested in the stock market, visited three countries and 20+ cities, first book collaboration, acquired a platform to bring my message to the world, Jill Scott in concert, a new hobby (painting), Elephant Nature Park, live taping of a talk show, OWO, the stranger who paid my bill, mobster museum, Downton Abbey exhibition, Ancestry DNA, Magazine Contributing Writer, Suzy visiting, met Deon, ship inspection, Capitol Hill, and recently secured a new job, with an almost 50% increase in salary…… the list goes on.

In a few short hours, a brand new year will be knocking on our doors. What are you most excited about? What plans do you have, that’s destined to set your soul on fire? I’m looking forward to projects already in the works, books to come forward, the first of many public speaking engagements, countries to visit, people to meet, and the love I will experience. Friends, if you only remember a few words from this post, please take with you the following; do not fear failure, but fear being in the same place next year, as you are now. Please know the best is yet to come. Don’t rely on anyone or anything to validate you. Finally, if you stumble (and we all do), make it a part of the dance.

Wishing you and your loved ones, the very best 2018 has to offer!

“Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, and didn’t settle for it”

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Photo: Pexels

If you follow my blog, you will know in late 2015, I was diagnosed with a Carotid Aneurysm. Last Thursday, a little over 6 months’ post op, I had a follow up MRA, then an  appointment with the Surgeon. The wait was about 20 minutes, but it seemed to have gone on forever. Now, this time after post op, is very critical. There are two outcomes; another follow-up surgery is needed, or you are healing properly, in which case, then it’s another MRI/A in about a year. Other than the Anesthesiologist who woke me up in March, after my 3.5-hour procedure with the words “Wake up Miss Williams. Your surgery was a success”, I’ve never heard sweater words, except when the Surgeon said to me last week “Your MRA looks great. You are healing in the manner we hope….” His words trailed off, as the burden lifted.

Today, I simply want to say again THANK YOU VERY MUCH. The thoughtful souls who organized prayer vigils and fasts for me. Carried out prayer chains. The office staff at my former employer, in the 305, who gathered at the time I was supposed to be wheeled into surgery, to pray for me. The ones who followed up to see how I am doing; you each have contributed to my life, in ways I can only hope, that I spend the rest of it, being grateful and paying it forward. And when I forget to do so, the minute I remember, I would correct my actions immediately. If I didn’t reach out to let you know of these developments, hopefully, you know me well enough to know, that I meant nothing by doing so. I thought long and hard, before telling anyone to begin with. I generally handle my trials, the only way I know how; with my God given strength, as much grace as I can muster, and the knowledge that if I was brought to it, HE will help me get through it. I just felt this was too much for my tired shoulders, at the time. I have no doubt, at some point or another, each of us, will need nothing short of a huge miracle to change the trajectory of our lives!

I have always had a great respect and reverence for life, but since March, it has been amplified, something akin to a steroidal influence! I no longer wonder and worry about experiences I should have, places I want to visit, and things I welcome into my life. I make better choices in my relationships, and jobs/careers I pursue. I KNOW things can change in a minute. All I have is now. I will try not to worry about the scan I need to have in a year, if and when I come to this bridge, I will cross it. Friends, if this post does nothing else for you, I would hope you at least realize, that if you haven’t started walking in your identity, and living your best life, then, what are you waiting for?!

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan