A Happier You!


LettingGoAfter one stage comes another. The incredibly good thing changes, is the fact, that we are able to look at things from a different, fresher perspective.  One thing I learned this year is the power of positive thinking. Times are hard as it is. Anything which takes the pressures off, even for a short time, I try my best to hold onto it, and revisit often.

I have the Learnist app. Subscribers get daily updates of everything from helpful hints, news stories, reading material, and how to’s. Carmen Sakurai offers some rather simple, yet powerful advice on how to be happier. I hope you find it helpful. Take what you want, and leave the rest.

Over the next several months, I will use a few of the ideas below for future posts.

Let Go of Worrying about What Others Think of You. You see your world through eyes of your own personal life experiences and interpretation… and so does everyone else. It’s important to understand that when someone has an opinion of you or your life, it doesn’t make it a fact. You don’t need anyone’s permission to set your worth.

Let Go of Making Superficial Judgements. Just as you shouldn’t worry about what others think of you, it’s important that you avoid judging others and their life choices. The only life you get to live and are responsible for is your own, so leave others to live their own lives full-out.

Let Go of Anger or Resentment. Don’t punish yourself for poor choices made by something outside yourself. Process any negative thoughts and feelings quickly, then free yourself from the damaging energy by forgiving and letting go.

 Let Go of Making Excuses. If you have a goal, you must do whatever it takes to achieve it. Otherwise, you’re doing nothing but throwing empty wishes up in the air. Remember, while outside forces may temporarily block your path, you have the power to take responsibility for the attitude you choose in situations which you have no control over.

Let Go of Setting Perfection as a Goal. By obsessing over perfection, you become so consumed in finding imperfections to fix that in the end you will have nothing to show for except unfinished, imperfect work. Practice progress over perfection instead, by making constant improvements to live a life of accomplishments.

Let Go of Waiting for the Perfect Time.“Stop waiting for the perfect day or moment….take THIS day, THIS moment and lead it to perfection.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli. Time won’t stop and wait for you to take action, so it’s up to you to either move forward and create a positive momentum… or sit and wait. So why would you want to sit in a puddle of stagnation when you can invest your energy into your happiness and success!

Let Go of the Need to Always Feel Comfortable. “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” ~ Neale Donald Walsch. Avoid setting limits to what you can achieve in your life by remaining in your personal comfort zone, because when you break out of it is when you grow the most. Look at it this way, if a single seed that’s fallen under a side walk can find a way to break through to bloom under the sun, so can you!

Let Go of Your Past Mistakes. The past has already happened and that moment no longer exist. Your past does not define you or limit what is possible for you to achieve from this moment on. If you suffered in the past, recognize that you are here today, and you are OK.

Let Go of Insecurity. You were born perfect as YOU can be with everything you need to live a successful and fulfilling life. That means you can relax and stop comparing yourself to others or setting your standards based on someone else’s expectations.

Let Go of Excessive Worrying. “Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn’t happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.” Worrying about something that may or may not happen won’t change anything – and you miss out on the opportunity to make the present great.

Let Go of Negative Influences. No matter how positive you are, if you constantly surround yourself with people who always complain, procrastinate, and make excuses, there’s a strong chance you will begin to absorb their toxic energy. Make it a point to surround yourself with positive and proactive people who will lift your spirit and inspire you.

Let Go of Trying to Change Others. Just as you were born as uniquely perfect as you could be, the same goes for everyone else. No one is obligated to change their attitude, thoughts, or actions just to make you feel more comfortable or secure. Appreciate the differences… they’re what makes this world so interesting!

Let go of One-Sided Relationships. This is when one person is fully committed while the other is not. We want to believe that if we give someone all of our love and invest enough attention and effort for both people involved, we will be able to “convince” them to love us back. Listen, you are an incredible individual deserving all the love, security, respect, and happiness that a healthy relationship can offer.

Let Go of the Attachment to Money. Being financially secure certainly can help open opportunities, relieve stress, and offer some piece of mind. But all the money in the world cannot make you happy if you are unable to feel happiness from within. Instead of measuring your success by how much money you have, define it with happiness, inner peace, and the positive contributions you can make in this world!

Let Go of Wishing Life Was Fair. Sure, there are people who have advantages in certain areas of their lives, but know that you also have advantages over other people in different areas of your life as well. Just because something that’s worked for someone else didn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean you’re less than or incompetent.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

The Train


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A friend, very dear to my heart, forwarded me this sweet, beautiful caveat of inspiration recently. I had to post it on my blog. Thank you Anne. Love you dearly!

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.

Others will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey.

Lastly, I thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

“Today Is The Yesterday You Worried About”


Worrywart. Neurotic. Anxious. OAD. Hypochondriac. Apprehensive. Uneasy. A bundle of nerves. Nebbish. Mess. Fusspot. Basket case. Chances are you and I have worn one or more of these labels. With the utmost familiarity. Helpless to ditch any, some of us still wear them. They hang like an albatross around our necks. Slowly cutting off our air supply. It’s a way of life really. We don’t know how to let things go. We have never known a life without worry. And have driven family and friends to distraction. Yes, this is a long-winded way of describing the art of worrying. Yep. An art. Because we are so good at it. What do we worry about? Everything. Whether our children will turn out alright. Money. How we appear to others. Achieving our goals. The works. Each label might not apply. At least one does.

How our kids will turn out. I don’t have kids. My limited experience with kids involves taking care of a black doll I owned as a child. And that ended badly. Well, not really. I was eight years old when my sister made her entrance. A working mother meant I was in charge of her care; changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, and babysitting. I have also dabbled in babysitting other people’s children. Does that count? I have offered a shoulder to cry on. Sat and listened as parents shared their worries and fears for their children. Will my “wayward” child attend college? Resist the cycle of drugs and violence? Hold a job? Overcome mental illness? They plead daily for miracles. And rightfully so. Any type of counsel goes unheeded. Feelings of helplessness turn into despair. And ulcers. Many interpret a child’s failure as a reflection of their parenting skills. I love this quote by Robert Fulghum, and hope parents will remember it: “Don’t worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you”

Meeting your financial obligations. There is never enough is there? For single parents with no support, it’s a double whammy. You constantly chase one bill after another. You shudder to think of the consequences of losing your job. The nights are sleepless. Peter gets robbed monthly. Otherwise Paul would not get paid. People often say you are doing the best you can. Alas, it falls on deaf ears. Think for a moment; if circumstances dictated we live on $10,000 per year, instead of the usual $30,000, wouldn’t we find way?.  Yep, we would make sacrifices. Adjust. Do without. Find ways to cut cost. And survive. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “Can anybody remember when the times were not hard and money not scarce?”

Being alone. For years we have lived life on our terms.Had our share of relationships. Broken a few hearts. Had the favor returned. One day, we look around. The golden years are slowly making their way up hill. They have you in their sights.Well maybe that is a stretch. You’ve done it all. But you are alone. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Being single has immense benefits. However, can you ignore the pink elephant in the room?.

You work hard. Play harder. At the end of the day, you arrive home  to an empty house. And it’s ever present reminders. There are no weak-in-the-knees kisses. Passionate embraces. No companion to share your hopes and dreams, and passion for living. No physical, intimate, soulful connections shared by two people in love. Carry on. It’s difficult not to think about the ones who got away. Missed chances at happiness. Time will decide the wisdom behind those decisions. It might take an act of congress/parliament for us to find the person who compliments us. Not to complete us, because we already have that covered.

I have witnessed friends and family members settle. Because they don’t want to be alone. They are afraid in the twinkling of an eye; they will be the woman with more than 2 cats. Or the reformed player/bad boy, whose dose of karma, is being married to a woman who makes his life miserable. A word of caution, don’t settle. I have settled in the past. The result was torment. And years of misery. I honestly believe this quote:“What’s meant to be will always find its way.”

What others think about you. The social disease called people pleasing. We’ve all had it. No one is immune. The diagnosis is simple. Medicine will not cure it. Prognosis can be good. Depending on the severity of the symptoms. And willingness to get better. This particular disease can be touch and go. However, if it stays for the long-term, all bets are off. Especially, if it holds us hostage. And transforms us into something or someone else. Some of us worry incessantly about pleasing others. Saying and doing the right thing. At the right time. How we appear to them. We out do ourselves trying to bring happiness. So, they will like us. They have to.

We spend squander money, time, and precious resources trying to win approval and acceptance. It took me a long time to understand I will not get along with everyone. Not everyone will like me. Regardless of what I do, someone will be unhappy. There are situations where you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. This is a worry you can be free of. People will either accept you, or they can move on. At the end of the day:”Be yourself, everyone else is taken” Oscar Wilde.

Mistakes of the past. No one can change the past. However, we have the power to influence the future. With the decisions we make. Or the ones we avoid making. I am sure you and I have repeatedly “opened mouth, and inserted foot”. Changed our behaviors to suit a spouse. Love interest. Friend. Situation. Gotten into the same pattern with relationships. Hurt someone. Intentionally or unintentionally. Looked the other way instead of helping. We’ve made mistakes. Rather than letting it go and learning from the past, we let the past continue to haunt us. We simmer and stew. We have not forgiven ourselves. Stop it. Really. Stop letting blunders ruin special moments. Experience and mistakes teach us. Molds character. And refines personalities. Provided amends have been made, attempt now to move on, because “mistakes are the portals of discovery” Unknown.

In closing, sometimes we are powerless to stop the worry. We are humans after all. Emotions signify we are alive. We care. About ourselves and others. The trick is to maintain a healthy balance. To know when worrying about something will not improve the situation. To know when to let go. We might never be completely free of every worry. However, we can choose not to worry about the things we have no control over. Death. The actions of others. Disease. Etc. We can learn to simply accept things as they are.

Worry is an incapacitating emotion. It drains our mental and emotional resources. Precious emotional capital often needed, in other areas of our lives. Some of them in disrepair. Areas which have suffered neglect, because we are busy cultivating another worry. We have to know when to draw the line. To change only the things we can. Sometimes that means our responses to people and situations. Here is a list of things to Beat Stress. If you are worried you might need more, here is another Fifty Ways to Calm Your Anxiety

Enjoy this song by a true legend. One I grew up with. Danced to. And simply loved. Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds. Cheeky, but fitting.

Until the next post, ” today is the yesterday you worried about”

Best,

Juan