Parenting | Chindeepinlife

If you are the parent of an anxious, shy child, you know the constant worry about how the world is reacting to them. It can be a scary place, and many children have good reason to worry. However, many children worry much more than is reasonable for the situation.

Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. A person should be worried if they’re in a dangerous situation, for example. Anxiety is protective, but too much or inappropriate anxiety isn’t healthy.

Use these strategies to help your child overcome their anxiety:

Be supportive and patient. It can be frustrating when your child is constantly worried about things that seem meaningless or silly. However, the anxiety they feel is just as real to them, as your anxieties are to you. You don’t get to choose the emotions or fears of other people.
- Let your child know you’re sensitive to their feelings and are always there to support them.
Avoid giving too much warning about a stressful event. If you know your child stresses out about going to the dentist, it’s best not to announce a dentist appointment three weeks in advance. The morning of the appointment is just fine. For some children, it might be even better to say, “Put on your shoes, we have to go to the dentist.”
- Too much notice can provide too much time to worry. Figure out how much time your child needs to keep their anxiety at a minimum. Some children appreciate a little time to process what’s going to happen. Every situation and household is different.

Talk it out. Ask your child what they’re worried about and why. Talk about why this fear is or isn’t valid. In other words, look for evidence to prove or disprove the reason for the fear.
- If the fear is valid, develop a plan together to handle the issue.
- If the fear isn’t valid, help your child to trust the evidence they found that negates the reason for the anxiety.
Help your child to keep their attention on the present. We can only worry when we project our attention into the future and imagine negative outcomes. This is largely a habit.
- Teach your child to focus on the present moment and their surroundings. Show your child that it’s more effective to focus on what is, rather than what might be.
Take a look at your home life. Is your home life stressful for your child? Do you and the other parent get along well, or is there a lot of tension and arguing? Are there financial pressures in the household, the child is aware of?
- Children might give the impression that they’re not listening, but they are surprisingly adept at figuring out what’s going on.
Avoid avoidance. You might think you’re being nice if you help your child to avoid everything that causes them to feel anxious, but you’re actually contributing to the issue.
- Each time your child is allowed to avoid the situation due to anxiety, there’s a part of her brain that says, “Hmmmm. If I make her feel anxious, we can get out of doing these things.”
- The brain quickly learns what works. Next time, the anxiety will be even stronger. The brain will continue turning up the volume, until it’s satisfied.
- Avoiding a stressor brings relief, which is very rewarding. The urge to avoid only becomes stronger as it’s reinforced.
- Be supportive but avoid letting them off the hook.
Get professional help. It’s very challenging for a parent to effectively help a child with moderate to severe anxiety issues. It’s likely that professional help will be useful. Find a therapist or psychologist that specializes in children of your child’s age.

Many children suffer from worry. They’re under a lot of social scrutiny at school, and kids can be cruel. They have little control over their lives. Most aspects of their lives are controlled by parents or teachers.

If your child is anxious, it can be heartbreaking to see them worry all of the time. It can also be frustrating when their worries seem pointless to you. Be supportive, patient, and get professional help if your efforts prove to be insufficient.

Got a partner who suffers from anxiety? You’ll want to look out for the next post.

To Your Success,
Juan

……Because I sin differently than you!

Recently, a woman I was paired to work with on a volunteer project, fired off a lengthy email to the co-ordinator. She claimed, among other things “I wasn’t tough or independent enough” for the rigorous work ahead. This after 3-4 phone conversations. And two hours in each other’s company.

Too bad. For her. Especially when I received a copy of the email hours after a transatlantic flight from Britain. There was no sleeping on this one. I wouldn’t feel differently the next day. I had to set her straight. Immediately. I was taken aback by the fact that someone who barely knew anything besides my name. And the city I lived in. Could make such quick, unfounded judgements.

I directly addressed each of her points. And specifically asked her “not to judge me because of a few minor, petty, inconsequential incidents. Or because I sin differently than you”. Needless to say, we wont be working together. The project is rather important. Her revelations? A blessing in disguise. Her timing? Spot on. We were due to start within a month.

This experience solidifies how remarkably easy it is to judge others. In my opinion, we judge, stereotype, etc, because we are too lazy. To find out otherwise. When we label. And place people in groups. We have something to work with. We don’t have to look any further than the box we’ve placed them in. We overlook the fact that in the majority of instances, we know their names. Not their story.

We’ve become a society of judgemental moralists. Making decisions which affect the lives of others. Sometimes, with no earthly idea. Yet, based on personal experiences, we forge ahead. Judging spouses. Children. Coworkers. Complete strangers. Anyone with a pulse. There in lies the great danger.

Obviously, some situations require us to act on the information available to us. Simple, every day things. Others more complex. To help. Or remain a bystander. To allow a person to learn lessons. When the person has repeatedly brought woe upon themselves. Etc. In these instances, we should use our intelligence. As a way of figuring out what’s happening.

Expressing an opinion is not judging. Making an observation is not judging. But. When we chose to pass sentences on any person. And act upon those sentences. That is judging. Especially with insufficient knowledge. Perhaps, the next time we are tempted to dismiss someone. Because of course, we cannot be wrong. We might want to take a step back. Better yet, try to live their lives for a day. See if you still feel the same way.

Mother Teresa once said: “If we judge people, we have no time to love them“.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan