Who Is Pulling Your Strings?!


Photo: Google Images

 

The Disease To Please

Do you say yes to people and things, when you really wanted to say no? Do you have an irrepressible need to be loved and accepted by everyone? When you are in a conversation, are you bothered and worried about how you are being perceived? Do you agree with actions, opinions, and activities, just to be able to fit in? Do you say “I’m sorry” even when it’s not necessary? Do you go to great lengths to keep the peace and avoid conflicts? Women, in your relationships, do you often find yourself getting the same results from different men? Finally, have you abandoned your truth, and no longer recognize the person in the mirror? My friend, in all likelihood you are a people pleaser!

People pleasers go above and beyond to make everyone happy. You are not alone, there are millions like you, wearing the same ill fitted shoes. You are often anxious, depressed, and overly burdened by the stressful expectations, you have placed on yourself. The problem is very common. Of course, it starts out harmlessly enough in childhood. We are rewarded and complimented when we behave in the manner that is expected of us. Unfortunately, for many, this unquenchable thirst for approval continues into adulthood. Friends, putting others before our own happiness, comes at great costs to our well-being.

There is no one type of people pleaser, they come in all forms. You refuse to end relationships, even remaining friends with an ex, you have no ties to, out of pure guilt. You are that one colleague who always says yes, because you crave the acceptance of everyone in the office. You are single woman who always seems to be baby-sitting her friends’ children. The person who loans money, knowing that you might be short, when rent comes due. Shall I go on? In almost all instances, you find yourself bogged down by guilt, depression, and in the coming years, resentment.

If you are a woman reading this, you are hard-wired, and raised to take care of others. Seeking for approval and love by our deeds. Soon enough, we are known as the “yes woman”, literally killing ourselves, to be everything for everyone.  Women are continually putting the needs of others, well above their own. The reality? We want what no one could give: unconditional love and acceptance. What we fail to realize, is this rarely possible, if at all.

So, how do you take your power back, and free yourself from the “disease to please”?

Consider these five steps:

  1. Is it time to have a genuine, honest, discussion with those in your circle who take, take, take and give nothing in return? Let them know that you are have decided to make changes in your life, and the way you relate to those around you. The people who truly love and care for you, will not take offense, and if they do, it’s time to examine their role and purpose in your life.
  2. The next time someone asks you to do something for them, consider this response “Can I think about it and get back to you?” Give them a time when you will respond their request. Doing so not only gives us space to think about the next step, but to truly evaluate if this is what we want to do.
  3. Let go of the need to be liked by everyone! Remember, not everyone you meet will like you. Your tribe will know you. Stop wasting precious time trying to hold onto relationships that do not serve any purpose in your life. Love, affection, and attention should be freely given. The old saying “You can be the juiciest, ripest peach in the world, and there will still be someone who doesn’t like peaches” applies here. A word of advice, take this a step further and figure out why the need to be liked, is important to you.
  4. Please, let go of the need of having to always explain your actions to someone. For instance, let’s say you’ve come back to the person who made the request, and your answer is no. Keep it simple “Sorry, I’m busy that day” NOT “I would really like to, but I have to be at this thing, that was scheduled months ago…” etc. The word “No” can become a complete sentence, free from explanations and justifications.
  5. Each time you say no to someone, you are saying yes to other activities, opportunities, goals, passions, and dreams, you’ve buried, because you were busy taking care of everyone else. Your life will start to look different. Better yet, you will begin to attract the right type of relationships . Establish boundaries and keep them in place. You will always be enough. If you are too much for them, then they are not enough for you.

Stop sabotaging yourself just to meet the expectations of other. We teach people how to treat us, and what we allow is what will continue. You are not responsible for healing every problem that comes your way!

Make today the day, you begin to live an authentic life.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

 

 

Distracted or Captivated?


Photo: Google Images

Rrecently, I was blessed with the opportunity to speak at my first Virtual Summit. An exciting experience! I based my topic around this quote:”We will not be distracted by comparison, if we are captivate with purpose“. Today, I wish to share some tidy tidbits from my talk. It’s normal to wonder how we measure up to other people; this is part of our basic desire to understand our place in this world. Social media is primarily responsible for every reminder of our various inadequacies. Open any app or page, and you will be immediately greeted with snapshots of work promotions, busy social lives, family outings, new cars, idyllic vacations, remodeled kitchens, etc. It becomes increasingly difficult to ignore our own frustrations and struggles.

Social comparison is wrong for many reasons; it’s mostly based on others so-called “perfection of illusion”. How many of us are privy to the whole truth? We might not feel so inadequate, if we knew how carefully they crafted the public images of perfection. We must also remember life isn’t fair; some are born with more advantages than others. Comparing ourselves with others can turn friends into rivals, which in turn, can cripple our ability to share in the joys of those around us.

My dear friends, find purpose in your life! Is there some type of injustice you can help make right? Find a cause. Do more of what sets your soul on fire. What are you willing to sacrifice for? Use your inner GPS and rely on it more often than you do now. Continually ask yourself questions such as “Am I where I want to be?” “Have I accomplished all I thought I would by now?” “Am I fulfilled in my career or business?”. While you are still searching for your purpose, support the innovators game changers around you. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on your blessings, count your blessings, and learn to be happy with enough.  If we are captivated with purpose, we will not be distracted by comparison!

Enjoy the video below!

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

Six Ways To Practice Joy


6 Ways to Practice Joy, by Sara Voyard

Oh, the powerful three-letter word J-O-Y. Joy is a word that has so many meanings for so many people. It’s a feeling we all want to enjoy but many times find it difficult to achieve. As a life coach and the CEO & Founder of SV Elite Coaching, I often work with clients that say, “I wish I could experience joy and be happier.” Or the classic, “I know I have what I need, but that feeling of joy is still missing”. Does that mean that joy is something we stumble upon or “find along the way”? Not even close! Joy is defined as “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness”. Just like happiness is a choice, joy is too. We choose to practice joy every single day of our lives (or not for that matter!). So how do we move from wanting joy to actually practicing joy in our everyday lives? Here are six simple ways.

  • Start your day with gratitude: First things first! When you wake up in the morning, take time to think of the many things you can be grateful for as you rise to another day. Research shows that gratitude leads to higher levels of happiness. Therefore, the two go hand in hand. Every time you can think of why you are grateful for being on this earth, you are significantly and consistently building your levels of joy. Now THAT’S called practicing joy!
  • Keep a “JOY Journal”: Find a journal that makes you smile and warms your heart when you take it out. Label it “JOY Journal”. As you’re going about your daily routine, jot down at least 3 things you acknowledge you should be joyful about. Did you barely avoid a traffic accident? Did a coworker invite you to lunch and pay for your meal? Did your mate have coffee ready when you woke up this morning? Did your kids actually wake up on time today? No matter how small that “something” may seem, it matters. The more you can write in your “JOY Journal”, the more deeply you are choosing to practice joy.
  • Keep “Thank You” cards handy: One of the things I actively practice and recommend is to keep “Thank You” cards handy. Make it a habit to write thank you notes. The message inside can be sweet and to the point as long as it’s genuine. In this age of technology, this is even easier to do. Did someone go out of their way to help you at work? Send them a “Thank You” email for having being so helpful. For an added punch, copy their boss and thank them for having the kind of employees on their team that strive to go above and beyond. If nothing else, it will encourage the person to continue being kind with others, which is huge. Every drop of kindness served onto humanity brings us one step closer to true happiness and fulfillment.
  • Surround yourself with joyful people: Yes, I know, you’ve heard this before! But how many of us can say we’re actually doing it? How can we realistically practice joy when we choose to surround ourselves with negative people? Indeed, we don’t NEED other people around us practicing joy for us to CHOOSE to do the same. However, I don’t think anyone can deny the effect the “energy” in our surroundings can have on us. Life presents enough problems for us to deal with. Don’t make it harder for yourself by choosing to keep negative company. Stick with the people you see making an effort to practice joy. Encourage them to continue. Ask them what their practices are and copy the ones that speak to you. Allow that type of energy to help create the joyful life you really want to have.
  • Forgive (and forget?): If it’s one thing that instantly kills joy in our lives it’s resentment. Has someone done something to you that you feel you just can’t get over? Do you feel sick just thinking about it? If you do nothing else on this list, LET IT GO! Joy can’t find a place at the table when resentment is the main course. Most people will say forgive AND forget. But we all know…. It’s not easy!! Start with forgiveness. Once you’ve done that, start forgetting one day at a time. Forgiving is already a major step in the right direction. Take control and choose to let forgiveness lead you to joy’s doorstep.
  • Practice joy with someone else: One of the best ways to practice joy is to do it with others. Find ways to enjoy someone else’s happiness with them. Since we all have the need for love and belonging, sharing positive experiences with others makes us feel joyful as well. Did your coworker get a promotion? Take them to lunch to celebrate it. Did a friend buy a new house? Take over a bottle of wine, sit with them on the floor, and visualize all the memories you will have within those four walls. In doing this you’re also teaching another person how to practice joy. You never know the kind of difference this can make in their lives.

In case you find joy hard to experience, I hope this article has shown you that it’s easier than you may think. We often make things a lot more complicated than they really are. Practicing joy is a choice available to all of us and one we should all choose. Let joy be a small yet powerful word that defines your life. I guarantee it will change you, your mind, and your future for the better.

Author Bio

Sara Voyard is a certified life coach, master NLP practitioner, and the CEO & Founder of SV Elite Coaching. For over a decade she has helped people transform their thoughts, enjoy fulfilling relationships, deepen their spirituality, and find true purpose in life. Her mission is to create an empowering and motivational space where her clients can let their authentic selves shine so they can enjoy the lives they have always dreamt of. The motto at SV Elite Coaching is,“Be You. Be Real. Be Extraordinary”.

 

Connect with Sara by visiting the following links:

www.svelitecoaching.com

www.facebook.com/svelitecoaching

www.instagram.com/svelitecoaching

www.twitter.com/svelitecoaching

www.pinterest.com/svelitecoaching

 

 

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

ขอบคุณสำหรับความทรงจำที่ประเทศไทย!


Typical Day At Elephant Nature Park

A week ago, I was saying teary goodbyes to a group of like-minded folks. We volunteered for a week, supporting a cause, greater than any of us. We cleaned elephant poo from their enclosures, built walkways, went on to cement our initials in the freshly poured concrete, bathe them (so much fun!) prepared food and fed them, unloaded multiple fruit trucks, collected firewood to build fires when they were cold, and cried while listening to the stories of their rescue. The week was topped off, when we sat in the presence of Pioneer and Elephant Whisperer, Lek, as she detailed the work she has been involved in. It was an emotional time; exchanging warm hugs, thank you’s, email addresses and phone numbers, vowing to see one another again in the coming years. We all recognized the path we had just traveled. No one wanted to leave. Our time at Elephant Nature Park had changed us, individually and collectively.

When I told people I was embarking on a solo trip to Thailand, more than 8K miles away, to volunteer at an elephant sanctuary for a week, I got two distinct reactions; the looks of complete dismay and fear (their own), when they asked “You are going by yourself?!” “But why?” And of course, the free-spirited, open-minded ones who gleefully exclaimed: “Omg that is absolutely amazing! Safe travels, and take care of yourself!” I had always wanted to do a volunteer vacation, and after much research, and preparation, I found myself jetting off on the 32-hour journey to the mountains of Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand.

One of the self-discoveries I made earlier this year, is that Elephants are my spirit animal. My wish to get to know these gentle giants was fueled even more, when I came across a heated discussion on social media. Someone posted a photo of themselves riding an elephant, and the “PETA” folks came at her, hard. I decided to go to place where I could learn, grow, and help in this awareness. When you visit a circus, ride an elephant, see them painting or begging in the streets, you could never imagine the cruel process, they must endure, in order to be ready to for what you see.

A little education. Not long after an elephant (in captivity) cow gives birth, the babies are taken away. The mother doesn’t get to raise them. Elephants are very sociable animals, and live in groups. They take care of one another; have excellent memories, and experience joy, sadness, and grief. They even cry real tears. Soon, the elephant must go through a week-long Phajan, aka, Elephant Crushing phase, which is intended to break its spirit, and eventually force it to do the will of the trainers. Babies have been known to step on their trunks, and kill themselves, as sometimes the treatment is too much for them. We watched five minutes of a heart wrenching documentary, and within seconds I was a puddle of mush. I will update the post, when I remember the name. I wept through the entire thing.

An elephant can live up to 80-100 years old. They often have multiple owners, and will work for, five, six or more decades. A lucky few are rescued by an organization like Elephant Nature Park. Lek, has been interviewed many times by major news networks, and received multiple awards for her work in their rescue and rehabilitation. The sanctuary allows them live the rest of their lives, free to wander, and do as they please.

I spent a great deal of time researching the facility, as not all sanctuaries are created equal. Some still allow tourists to ride elephants, and other forms of industry. Elephant Nature Park is completely saddle off, and as of next year, tourists and volunteers will no longer be able to touch them. A fact which made the time there, even more memorable, to be a part of the last set of volunteers, allowed to intimately interact with them in this way.

I cannot begin to encapsulate the emotions and experiences. Breakfast is at 7 every morning, and one day, I woke early to enjoy the last bit of sunrise. I sat down on the balcony to breathe in the fresh mountain air. Moments later, a few feet below, at least four elephants, and their mahouts strolled leisurely by. Where else could I go and have this type of heart stopping experience?! I will forever treasure my time and experiences there.

I want to share a brief story of one of the “eles”, whose care I will be following, as her story affected me deeply. Her name is Dalah. She was rescued a few months ago, from an owner who force bred her, Basically, she was chained to was chained up, and bull elephants tried to get her pregnant. In the process, she suffered a dislocated elbow, torn ligaments, and was being treated for abscesses. The owners would finally agree to release her, but for a price. She now walks very slowly, with a noticeable limp, and uses her trunk to help take the pressure off her injured leg. The project was in the midst of building a therapy pool, to help with her recovery.

Derek, Lek’s husband, was guarded, when our group asked if she was going to make it. We all hoped she did. She was on large daily doses of Tramadol, light therapy, and massages. She spent most of her time in the enclosure to prevent her injuries from getting worse. Dipor, another elephant and friend, visits her very often, to check on her well-being. The park suspected she might pregnant, but it couldn’t be confirmed for a little while longer. All in all, she was holding on, despite everything. I remember whispering to this beautiful creature, the words” I’m so sorry”. She had every reason not to trust humans, but she remains as loving as ever.

Nothing could have prepared me for this most beautiful of experiences. I went in with no expectations or preconceptions. A week later, I left with phenomenal new friends, a humbled heart, and a profound sense of gratitude for what I witnessed, and been a part of. Furthermore, my hope was renewed by the people working hard every single day, to give rescued elephants, the life they should be living. Despite, the cruelties they have suffered, some do live the rest of their lives in peace.

So what can we do? Well, if you love animals, please do not support this type of industry. Once the need for riding, painting, street begging etc is no longer paid for by tourists, then the industry eventually go out of practice. I understand people must make a living, and in their minds, feeding their families comes first. However, they existed before this practice. Education is the key here. Through Lek, many businesses are slowly turning huge corners. However, there is so much work to be done. If you are not moved by anything in this post, then seek that which sets your soul on fire!

While elephants are the main reasons people visit the sanctuary, there are more than four hundred dogs up for adoption, as many cats, some rescued horses, pigs, water buffaloes etc. I found joy in watching elephant families interact, babies stealing bananas (their favorite food), the cat who sat on my lap for hours, the village school we visited, and whose many industries we supported. The children, some as young as three, who performed for us during our last dinner hour. Once my time at the sanctuary was over, the land of smiles would continue to deliver, over and over; from the world-renowned temples I walked through, visiting the Golden Triangle, crossing into the Thailand/Myanmar border, spending time the Akka Hill Tribe, and so much more! For more info about the projects, visit Elephant Nature Park

Come next year, I will be back into the volunteer vacation habit. Mama Africa has been calling my name for a very long time, it’s about time I answered.

I sincerely hope you make the most of what’s left of 2017. This past year has been so favorable and kind to me, it has succeeded in wiping out a disastrous 2016. Euphoric feelings have often enveloped my entire being, as an abundant universe reminded me, that I am loved and worthy. True happiness can only come from within. I know the reasons behind my smile. I’m putting the finishing touches to several noteworthy projects, due to be released next year, and couldn’t be more excited!

My prayer is for each of us to find joy in life. To understand what Atticus meant when he said these profound, yet simple words “Don’t give up now. Chances are your best kiss, your hardest laugh, and your greatest day, are still yet to come”

See you in a few weeks.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Dream Catcher.


Photo: Prexels

In the past several weeks, on my way to work, I’ve made it a habit to listen to a randomly chosen Mindshift/Inspiration series on YouTube. I noticed within a short time of doing so, I’m more prepared for the day ahead. Social Services can be hard and draining. Many people suffer burnout, several times in their careers. I absolutely love what I do; it’s rewarding to see people go from the lowest points in their lives to independence. However, I don’t see myself doing it into retirement. There are other mountains to climb, projects to complete, and dreams to seize.

I once dreamt of collaborating with other authors. Recently the opportunity presented itself, and I had to grab it! I’m happy to announce, come February 2018, we will be releasing a book together. We held an online meeting this past week, and I couldn’t be more thrilled! There will be photo shoots, radio interviews, launch parties, book signings etc. We are working with an International Best Selling Author, and the hope is this project will land us on this list too. As the project gets ready to launch, I will keep my followers updated.

This project was a dream years ago. One I could have pursued, but didn’t. I wasn’t ready. Was it a coincidence, the moment my thinking started to shift, that this opportunity should fall into my hands? It’s a possibility. However, I’m at a wonderful place in life. I’m ready, and not afraid or ashamed to speak my truth. My dear friends and well wishers, your dreams are not dead unless you bury them. It’s hard, BUT go get yours! Above all, remain thankful for all the small victories. Except for one incident, this month has been incredibly kind to me. The things I envisioned for myself are being granted. I couldn’t be more grateful, for the decision I made to get out of my own way.

I hope you find some gems from the video below.

I wish you joy, peace, and a type of love that encompasses all your understanding!

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

Don’t Let It Happen To You!


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Dear Readers,

I hope this post finds you and your family well, and  in a good place.

The New Year opened with grim news and mass hysteria for immigrants and minorities in America. I can only imagine the panic resonating among the refugees still waiting for their chance to come to America. A distraction was very much welcomed. For the entire month of January, I challenged myself to promote only positive and uplifting messages on social media, especially Facebook. Now, before the wheels start churning, my posts are generally positive; however, when I see instances of social injustices, discrimination in any form, police brutality etc, I will get out my soap box. The posts typically garner a bit of attention and discussion. Anyway, I digress, back to the matter at hand! Today, I want to share with you one of my favorite messages from the challenge. I guess it resonated with me because I’ve dedicated the rest of my life, however long that is, to ensuring it is full, in every way possible.

Take a look again at Anne’s message above. Does it urge you pursue the type of life you want to live, with wild, passionate, and fearless abandon? God, I hope so! I’m fully aware how ridiculously easy it is to get caught up in “doing stuff”; dreams are hard to chase, when we are furiously paddling beneath the surface, to stay above water. The timing isn’t convenient. My friends, it never is. As I have said before, one day, we will wake up, and realize there isn’t enough time to do all the things we wanted to do. Whatever your circumstances, and however this message reaches you, please don’t let this happen to you. Take steps, regardless of how small. Please, try not to get overwhelmed by the obstacles which persists on every step towards the destination. The only way you can fail, is if you fail to try. Focus on the journey instead, and how magical and glorious it can be.

I’m fast approaching my 6th anniversary as a blogger. Chindeepinlife will become a Blook; some of the most well liked, popular, and searched-for posts, will appear in its pages. The Blook is currently in the editing process, and it’s so difficult to choose! Watch this space. I remain grateful for you, my audience, for allowing me this platform, on which I’ve grown, thrived, and hopefully provided you succor in your time of need!

 

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

Looking Ahead.


 

 

fb_img_1483020527062Photo Credit: Power of Positivity

So,

How did 2016 treat you?! I hope it was very good to you. In the unlikely event this wasn’t the case, 2017 will come through with flying colors! Believe it. Social media is saturated with memes sharing the same premise; the year sucked. Many can’t remember a time in recent history, when they experienced so many hardships, changes, and trials. What’s your view of this past year? I saw it as one of endings, and letting go of things, which no longer serve my/our highest good. What about the large number of truly talented artists who have left us?  Perhaps the person who dubbed 2016 as #theyearofthegrimreaper# is right.

The year is just about done and dusted. A new one is tapping us on the shoulders, offering us the opportunity to set new goals and intentions, make ambitious plans, and create bolder visions. I hope I’m not alone when I say, I am very much looking forward to letting go of people, relationships, situations, jobs, and anything that doesn’t bring happiness. I’ve found, people will only love you, if you fit into their box. My advice is, please don’t be afraid to disappoint. You are amazing. Don’t forget this.

I’m slowly getting to the place, where I can thank the past for all its memories, and invite the future in with wild abandon. In the meantime, I cling to the thought that sometimes, the reason good things are not happening to us, is because we’re the good thing that needs to happen to others. I’ve pondered this thought over the past few days, and it’s a good way to sum up the past twelve months. If you’ve had a particularly trying year, I pray the time will soon come, when the reasons are revealed, in all it’s beauty, splendor, and glory.

One major area of my life which has experienced phenomenal change surrounds the fact, that for many years, I chased the wrong people, especially partners.  I craved and lived for their approval and acceptance. Willing to accept any crumb of affection and attention thrown my way. Looking back, it wasn’t what, or who I wanted to be. I now know, this stage was my “Goliath”. I had to learn to love me. I realized, when I finally let go, I was actually holding onto nothing. In a way, I am thankful for the ones responsible for forcing me to go through this evolution. It took so many lessons, heartbreak, disappointments, and breakdowns. For me, 2016 is the culmination of all these things. You may see me struggle, but you’ll never see me quit.

Looking ahead, the following quote will be at the top of my second vision board. Next year, it is also how I will live my life: “There is so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love. Don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful I promise”

What is your mantra? I hope you find one (if you haven’t already), and live it. One day, you will wake up and there wont be any time, to do the things you’ve always wanted to. DO THEM NOW.

I thank each of you for following, supporting, reading, liking, and returning time after time to my blog. Your support means a lot. Wishing you a wonderful end of the year. See you in the next one!

Until the next post,

Juan