I often wondered why I seem to be “addicted” to my narcissistic ex. I loved him. Deeply. And we shared some truly amazing times together. Often though, and because of all that happened, I became hyper vigilant. On more than one occasion, he accused me of being obsessed with him. And he was right. To a degree. I drove myself sick with worry and paranoia. I found myself doing and saying things, that was totally out of character. As the saying goes, when you go looking for things, you wont like what you find. So it was with us. I was so disgusted with my behavior, that I brought the matter to the attention of my therapist. His response? The behavior was characteristic of people who had gone through the same experience.

Then I came upon the article below, also written by Shahida Ariba. Read the post before this one, and it will make things clearer. I must have re read items 1-4 more than 10 times. Now, I understand why I was willing to accept intermittent rewards, the constant switching between hot and cold, withholding of affection. The days and nights spent alone with no contact. Many of you might not relate to this post. It’s for me really. A reminder of how I desperately tried to put the pieces of my life back together. How I tried to understand what got me to such a dark place in my life. There are so many deep-seated, long-standing issues that needs to be dealt with. In comparison to the changes that need to take place, it’s still early days yet. See you on the other side.

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

 

As fate would have it, I was in a close, intimate relationship with someone like this. He was clever, or thought he was. He excelled at manipulation.I figured out really quickly what was happening. Things went downhill rapidly. I experienced every stage outlined below. No one will ever believe the things I suffered at this man’s hands. I was forced to seek help through therapy, workbooks, online, and face to face support groups. I was dying trying to handle what had happened alone. The anger I felt towards him, was turning me into someone I didn’t recognize.

Think you might be in a relationship with a Narcissist? You’re not crazy! Read this article by Shahida Arabi. And make your own judgements. Take what you want, and leave the rest. The article is profound, in-depth, and eye-opening. The emotional and mental separation is the hardest. Along the way, I learned that you don’t have to stay in relationships where you’re not valued. We teach people how to treat us, and what we allow, is what will continue. Oh, and a word to the wise: ” When people show you their true colors, don’t try to repaint them”

Until the next post,

Best,
Juan