Pardon the cliché. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m moving on. Took a lifetime. To get here. In my defense, I was scared. Of letting go. I don’t remember how it started. When I shied away human companionship. Lost interest in hobbies. Manufactured excuses to stay on the couch. But. Something happened yesterday. I was drawn to a compelling image in the mirror. I stared. For a bit. But. There was no connection. With the person who once loved life. Found joy in the simplest things. Engaged in silly antics. It was a wake-up call.
For what it’s worth. Please. Don’t try to interfere in future relationships. Especially with fun. Laughter. Risk-taking. Joy. Hobbies. And dating. That’s a huge “no no”. You know where this is going. Because, you’ve listened to my ramblings long enough. I missed out on so much. Admittedly. You made it easy in the beginning. Typical relationship. With your seductive arguments. And clever persuasions. No more. Today, I rekindled relationships with a few old flames. You remember fun, don’t you? Laughter came too. And not to be outdone. Happiness…well you know the score. Crazy thing is, I almost didn’t show up. Because I was plagued by thoughts. Of the last time we were together. Besides. The weather was frigid. The drive? Hellish. Taken together, I had the makings of a sound excuse. But. I knew if I stayed. It would the same old. Same old. Somehow, I managed.
Before I go. One last thing. Well, maybe two. Thank you. For showing me what I don’t want in a relationship. For reminding me, the small things count. For helping me to see, although I’m alone, I’m not lonely. Life is meant to be lived. With no regrets. No excuses. And for Pete’s sake. Please don’t visit any members of my family. Or anyone I know. And insinuate yourself into their lives. Because I will warn them about you. I’ll tell them loneliness is a choice. Explain how you enable patterns. Give a false sense of safety. And security. Then go in for the kill. Taking up precious time. In their heads. And lives. Then comes the fight. To get rid of you.
It might be difficult to plan a vacation for one. Or watch couples stroll hand in hand. Knowing they have each other. Go out dancing. Wake up to yet another Christmas. Alone. Be the newest member of my social networking group. Renew old friendships. Etc. But. It’s okay. I have to start somewhere. Maybe on said vacation, I will meet someone. We will dance. A lot. You catch my drift. I don’t expect an immediate transformation. Just the miracle of every new day. One thing. I do know. Is that. Anything is better. Than what we had.
Hello Life. I’ve missed thee.
Until the next post,