Goodbye & Goodluck!


Christopher Columbus once said “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”. The “shore” we often need to cross is saying “goodbye and good luck” to the person we once loved. Dearly. I love J. Krishnamurti’s definition of a relationship. To date, he has provided the most concise description I’ve come across. He said “a relationship is an interconnected challenge and response between two people, one which creates a society, it is also the awareness of the interconnection between the two people, communion without fear, freedom to understand each other, to communicate directly”. Try breaking that down!

Chances are you saw it coming. Instead of talking to one another. You talked at each other. The undoubtedly strong connection you once felt? Evaporated. The incredibly rare level of understanding? Well, we all make mistakes. I cannot, in all good conscience, pen this piece without reflecting on my relationship shortcomings. The times I held on. For too long. Loved the wrong person. For all the wrong reasons. Gave too much. Until there was nothing left. Well, here I am. I survived. And you will too.

You’ve done the same too . Sacrificed. Stuck by them. Loved them. Forgave ills. You know.The stuff Lifetime movies are made of. Now, it’s time to say thank you for the lessons.Good times. The beautiful intimacies. Experiences. And tell them goodbye. But wish them good luck. Beware.The temptation to hold on a little longer. Rationalize. And find reasons to stay. Can be incredibly strong. But, in your heart. You know, there is nothing left. To fight for.

There are signs you should move on. For instance, if you find yourself waiting for the person to change. Or doing the unthinkable. And try to change them. If the relationship brings more pain than joy. You address the same issues over and over. You’ve mistakenly convinced yourself, you can “save” the person. You’re justifying actions. Existing on past memories. Instead of making new, happy ones. Or you just know. Click here for a few more. I’m no relationship expert. By any stretch of the imagination. These signs are experiences from my life. And the lives of friends and family.

Krishnamurti also said: “Relationship is self-revelation; it is because we do not want to be revealed to ourselves that we hide in comfort, and then the relationship loses its extraordinary depth, significance and beauty. Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge, in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting uncomfortable thoughts and activities.”  The end of any relationship presents the opportunity to look at ourselves. Admit we’ve played a part in it’s demise. A time to become more intimate, and familiar, with our needs and desires. To promise ourselves better. And keep that promise.

Parting ways, especially after a LTR can be distressing. Challenging. Painful. Unfortunately, this is the risk we all take. When we invite another imperfect mortal into our lives. Sometimes, it’s helpful to consider the alternative. Of remaining in the relationship. That’s been spinning in mud. The alternative of wasting time. And resources. On something that’s no longer working. Of holding onto a closed-door so tightly, we cannot see the one opening before us. Beckoning. It takes courage. Heart. And backbone.To finally look at the person you once loved. So much. And say with conviction and meaning: “Goodbye and Good luck”.

While you’re working up the nerve. Keep this in mind: “One day, you will look back on it and smile. Because it was life. And you decided to”. If any part of this post relates to you.I wish you luck in the decisions you have to make.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

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The Reasons Why I…


It’s great to be alive!! This morning I opened my eyes. And like days gone by, I was reminded many people didn’t. I’m grateful. Life is hard. Sometimes, it’s impossible to see the rainbow. Through the rain. Let me share some of the reasons why I get up in the morning. Here’s my invitation: make a list. Or two. Place it in a spot, where it can be seen. Often. The result? You’ll see. Go on. I dare you.

  • I love life.While there is life, there is hope.
  • The love of family and friends.
  • I believe in my dreams. I have goals to accomplish. Many things to do.
  • People need and depend on me.
  • My motto:“Life is the ticket to the greatest show on earth”. It’s not a dress rehearsal.
  • The dreams I have for my family. One day.
  • The feeling that I could change a life. Today, might just be the day.
  • I have everything I will ever NEED.
  • It could be a lot worse. And it’s always darkest before dawn.
  • I was destined to be here. At this time. In this life.

Until the next post, enjoy #100reasonstokeepliving

Best,

Juan

Going For The Gold…


Yep. This piece is late. Just a bit. The London 2012 Olympics was spectacular. Well done Brits! Records fell. Pioneers blazed trails. Dreams came true. I cheered the winners. Cried with those who fell short. Bring on Rio.

Fave Olympic memories:  Michael Phelps became the most decorated Olympian of all time. Sarah Attar is Saudi Arabia’s first female track and field athlete. The word “no” is not in Oscar Pistorius‘s vocabulary. He made history as the first double amputee to compete in the Olympics. Gabby Douglas is the first African-American to win two of gymnastics most coveted crown; gold in the all round and Individual event. Kayla Harrison overcame sexual abuse and other tragedies, to become the first US woman to win gold in Judo.

These athletes have received and will receive their fair share of praise. And sadly criticism. The court of public opinion is now in session. Enter the pundits. Acting as Judge. Jury. And frothing-at-the-mouth Prosecutor. Michael Phelps uses marijuana. Oscar has an unfair advantage over the other athletes. Gabby’s hair. And Attar? Sacrilegious!! I mean off with her head.

Each of us is an Olympian. No, we’re not competing on sports biggest state. We will not accept medals in front of millions of viewers.  Forget about the endorsement deals. And victory parades. Furthermore, countries wont cheer for us. BUT. We’re working on something far more personally rewarding. We celebrate small victories many will never know about. Day by day. Hour by hour. We claw away at life. Putting one foot in front of the other. Simply because, we don’t have four more years to refocus. Train. Try again. No. Today is all we get. There are no do-over’s. Or second chances. To make things right.

Oscar Pistorius finished last in the relay . There was not an ounce of self-pity in his post race interview. He accomplished his goal. He won. Made history in the process. Disability is not inability. We need to be able to say we lost, but still made history. For ourselves! You and I might be far behind. Some have finished their leg of the race. Eons ago. The rest might be lapping us. Or so it seem. Our finish line might seem unattainable. It’s okay. All is well.  It’s fine. We are running a race only we know how to finish. Because no one else can do it for us.

We are competing in our very own Olympic games now. This very moment. Every day. On our stage. Our terms. When we make the decision to “go for the gold”. It’s our gold. No one else’s. Because we are not in competition with anyone else. Just the man or woman in the mirror. There have been many false starts. Stops. Injuries. Losses. Wins. But. We keep fighting. Because we cannot lose sight of the prize. There is too much at stake.

Love this quote, by one of the greatest men ever to play basketball. Micheal Jordan :”I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan