Christopher Columbus once said “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”. The “shore” we often need to cross is saying “goodbye and good luck” to the person we once loved. Dearly. I love J. Krishnamurti’s definition of a relationship. To date, he has provided the most concise description I’ve come across. He said “a relationship is an interconnected challenge and response between two people, one which creates a society, it is also the awareness of the interconnection between the two people, communion without fear, freedom to understand each other, to communicate directly”. Try breaking that down!
Chances are you saw it coming. Instead of talking to one another. You talked at each other. The undoubtedly strong connection you once felt? Evaporated. The incredibly rare level of understanding? Well, we all make mistakes. I cannot, in all good conscience, pen this piece without reflecting on my relationship shortcomings. The times I held on. For too long. Loved the wrong person. For all the wrong reasons. Gave too much. Until there was nothing left. Well, here I am. I survived. And you will too.
You’ve done the same too . Sacrificed. Stuck by them. Loved them. Forgave ills. You know.The stuff Lifetime movies are made of. Now, it’s time to say thank you for the lessons.Good times. The beautiful intimacies. Experiences. And tell them goodbye. But wish them good luck. Beware.The temptation to hold on a little longer. Rationalize. And find reasons to stay. Can be incredibly strong. But, in your heart. You know, there is nothing left. To fight for.
There are signs you should move on. For instance, if you find yourself waiting for the person to change. Or doing the unthinkable. And try to change them. If the relationship brings more pain than joy. You address the same issues over and over. You’ve mistakenly convinced yourself, you can “save” the person. You’re justifying actions. Existing on past memories. Instead of making new, happy ones. Or you just know. Click here for a few more. I’m no relationship expert. By any stretch of the imagination. These signs are experiences from my life. And the lives of friends and family.
Krishnamurti also said: “Relationship is self-revelation; it is because we do not want to be revealed to ourselves that we hide in comfort, and then the relationship loses its extraordinary depth, significance and beauty. Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge, in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting uncomfortable thoughts and activities.” The end of any relationship presents the opportunity to look at ourselves. Admit we’ve played a part in it’s demise. A time to become more intimate, and familiar, with our needs and desires. To promise ourselves better. And keep that promise.
Parting ways, especially after a LTR can be distressing. Challenging. Painful. Unfortunately, this is the risk we all take. When we invite another imperfect mortal into our lives. Sometimes, it’s helpful to consider the alternative. Of remaining in the relationship. That’s been spinning in mud. The alternative of wasting time. And resources. On something that’s no longer working. Of holding onto a closed-door so tightly, we cannot see the one opening before us. Beckoning. It takes courage. Heart. And backbone.To finally look at the person you once loved. So much. And say with conviction and meaning: “Goodbye and Good luck”.
While you’re working up the nerve. Keep this in mind: “One day, you will look back on it and smile. Because it was life. And you decided to”. If any part of this post relates to you.I wish you luck in the decisions you have to make.
Until the next post,